Wood burning stove brings authenticity to middle class man's life

THE purchase of a wood burning stove means that a middle class man’s life is no longer superficial.

36-year-old web designer Stephen Malley found that he is much more real and grounded since buying a stove that wood goes into.

He said: “I’ve got a heap of logs. Logs made from trees. Actual trees, from forests.

“I handle the logs.”

Malley had been concerned that his desk-based job, consumerist lifestyle and inability to stop thinking about money had left him somehow removed from the natural world.

He said: “Now that I’m burning wood on a regular basis, I feel that I’ve returned to a primal state. A sort of rugged innocence, if you will.

“I am basically a caveman, except my cave is a house that has an Apple product in every room and several large books of contemporary art prints.

“Next thing is to buy an axe, although I need to call the council first to find out if I need an axe license.”

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Brooks and Coulson 'paid each other to talk about affair'

FORMER News of the World editors Rebecca Brooks and Andy Coulson only discussed their intercourse after paying each other five-figure sums, it has been claimed.

The High Court in London heard the pair had a passionate six-year affair, but only exchanged affectionate statements or love letters after signing contracts and then hiding each other at a four star hotel near Watford.

Emails revealed that Brooks contacted Coulson saying she wanted to tell him everything about his ‘bedroom prowess’ but it would cost £50,000.

In return, Coulson said the money would only be payable if Brooks agreed to a ‘world exclusive’ and a photo of her in her ‘bra and pants’.

In one email Brooks said: “I have been having an affair with a senior journalist at the News of the World. For the right price, I am willing to not only tell you that it’s you, but go into very explicit details about how you can go all night long.”

Coulson replied: “I am very interested in this story. Can we guarantee that no-one else will get hold of it before Sunday? I’m thinking in particular about your scary husband, Ross Kemp.”

The court heard how the same £50,000 would be transferred back and forth between the two lovers up to three times a week.

But the pair were almost caught when the News of the World carried a small advert saying, ‘Do you have a story about shagging the editor of the News of the World? Call the editor of the News of the World now!”

In another exchange, Coulson told Brooks: “I had the most amazing sex with a insatiable redhead last night. I want to talk about it but I need to know I will be ‘looked after’.”

Brooks replied: “The money is no problem, but I need something that’s going to set the agenda for the rest of the week.

“For instance, was one of us dressed like Captain Caveman?”