Battle re-enactors volunteer for Crimean war

BRITAIN’S historical battle re-enactors have volunteered their services for the forthcoming Crimean war.

Their bearskins will strike terror into the enemy

Their bearskins and kilts will strike terror into the enemy

Men fascinated by military history and dressing up fancy are eager to recreate Britain’s victory in the 1853 conflict by taking on the Russian army.

Bank manager Roy Hobbs said: “We’re incredibly excited about fighting the Russians with nothing but our replica smoothbore muskets.

“Our troops are fully mobilised for the Crimea, by which I mean our wives have ironed our Redcoat uniforms, made us packed lunches and informed the Ministry of Defence we’ve got Easyjet tickets on standby.

“We’ll hire a minibus to take us from Sevastopol airport to the battlefield, then march slowly in a line towards the enemy positions full of tense Russian soldiers armed with AK-47s while shouting ‘Death to the Tsar!’

“Once we’ve defeated them like we did in 1856 we’ll probably all go to the pub. They say war is hell, but in my experience it’s also a really good day out.”

However, some strategists questioned the military wisdom of pitting untrained and over excited history buffs up against professional soldiers in an advanced state of battle-readiness.

Hobbs’s wife Fiona said: “They should at least take the fake cannon they made for the Battle of Naseby which blows a puff of smoke out of the end. That might scare the Russians a bit.

“Still, it can’t be any worse than when they did the Charge of the Light Brigade. That was a total disaster, thanks to all the rain.”