TONY Blair secretly wants to be tried for war crimes so everyone will look at him again.
The former prime minister has frequently rehearsed ‘speeches from the dock’ in front of his bathroom mirror, certain it will make the nation love him once more.
He said: “Sure, obviously it’d be terrible, being the first Western head of state tried as a war criminal and all the publicity attached to that.
“A charismatic, straight kinda guy fighting for his freedom is going to make OJ Simpson look like nothing, isn’t it? Every headline, every day, worldwide, which would be, y’know, terrible.
“But on the other hand, no matter what Cherie’s ‘legal counsel’ says about my chances, being exonerated in the eyes of the world is a hell of a bold political move, isn’t it? With Labour currently leaderless?
“Or even if I had to serve a few years in prison. Who could look away from that? Imagine the impact on history. They might write one of those Frost/Nixons.”
Blair added: “Ah, I bet it won’t happen. Chilcot’s too spineless. Still a man can dream.”