Tories promise to use next lot of Trident missiles

THE Tories have pledged to spend £100bn on a new batch of nuclear weapons and use them.

The party claimed taxpayers were ‘sick and tired’ of money being spent on gigantic, deadly missiles that just get carried around in a submarine.

Defence secretary Michael Fallon said: “The British want to show off their nuclear weapons. They want them to be more pro-active, thereby delivering both excitement and far greater value for money.”

He added: “We pledge to use one of the missiles every two years. It will be a national holiday – a day for celebration, pride in our country and the total annihilation of somewhere else.

“Perhaps understandably, people will want to know where we intend to direct these missiles.

“Mexico, Denmark and Scotland.”