Boss arrives in office wearing waistcoat

A BOSS has arrived in the office wearing a light blue shirt, a blue waistcoat and no jacket, and is gathering everyone for a talk. 

The senior manager and football fan, who keeps glancing down at his waistcoat to make sure everyone has clocked it, wants everyone rather than sitting in ‘a boring meeting room’ to bend and form a circle with their arms around each other’s shoulders. 

He said: “Right. We’re a team. And though we all have different roles and backgrounds – Gary’s in communications, Elaine’s Armenian apparently – it’s crucial that we all pull together as a team. 

“Especially at moments like now, when we’re under pressure, just 10 months away from delivering the next annual report. Just keep clear heads and remember you can do this. 

“I might have failed in the past – no particular occasion’s coming to mind – but I picked myself up, rebuilt my confidence, and came back as an inspiration to you all.” 

Colleague Carolyn Ryan said: “He asked what makes a great manager, and I said someone who downplays their own importance and gives full credit to his team for their achievements. 

“After that he broke up the huddle and went into his office. He’s taken off the waistcoat.”  

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Primary teacher finally admits her job is easy

A PRIMARY teacher has finally stopped telling people how ‘stressful’ teaching is.

Jane Thomson had spent the previous four years explaining how things like the curriculum, parents and OFSTED made being a teacher really stressful, like being a surgeon or a police officer.

But the 32-year-old has admitted she can no longer keep up the charade.

Thomson said: “I got sick of deflecting banter from my friends about how easy teachers have it. It is a complete piece of piss.

“If I’m not sticking a video on then running down my hangover in the dark, I’m getting them to do ‘quiet reading’ and going on my phone. The rest of the time I’m on holiday.

“Teachers who claim they spend hours and hours marking homework are talking shit. Thirty kids in a class, thirty ticks at one second per tick.

“I do mine when I’m at the traffic lights, or on a straight bit of road.”