Sunday, 27th September 2020

Colleagues vs your children, which are worse to work with?

YOU don’t get to choose your colleagues or your children but this year you’ve had to work with both. Which are more irritating?

The mess

In the office you may have to stare at a desk covered in crumpled Post-its and withered apple cores, but at least there is zero chance of treading on a piece of Lego in your bare feet. Verdict: Child

Lunchtime

Watching your child hurl beans around may be infuriating, but at least you’ve got a basic biological urge that makes you like them, sometimes. Unfortunately there’s no such urge when you have to witness Duncan in sales chewing his way open-mouthed through a salad like a lobotomised horse. Verdict: Colleague

Small talk

Hearing a child repetitively describe the sounds farm animals make will make you long for actual conversation. Though after a few days of hearing every minor detail of Janet’s opinions on having to wear a face mask in Tesco you may change your mind. Verdict: Child

The smells

While your children may often reek of their own excrement and ‘forget’ to tell you when they accidentally had to do a wee in the airing cupboard, at least they will never microwave tuna in the communal kitchen. Verdict: Colleague

IT issues

Give a child a phone and within minutes they’ll have figured out how to watch Paw Patrol and hack into your online bank account. They learn fast. If only the same were true for Terry from accounts who unfailingly demands help every time he needs to send an email attachment. Verdict: Colleague

Overall winner: Colleagues are the most irritating, and what’s worse is that you don’t have the power to send them to the naughty step every time you want a moment of peace.