A GROUP of colleagues in their first real-life meeting in 18 months are all struggling not to press mute and call each other wankers.
After more than a year of freely hurling abuse at co-workers with their mouths covered and mute on, the group are now repressing the instinct to call everyone twats like they usually do.
Thomas Logan in IT said: “Mike from sales started up with his usual bullshit about disrupting the decision tree so I touched my screen and began to say ‘Shut the f**k up, tosser’ as I customarily do.
“Thankfully I managed to stop before the F-word and was drowned out by at least three other colleagues beginning their habitual abuse. We all stared at our computers a lot after that.”
Regional manager Eleanor Shaw said: “Now I get what triggering means. When Janice said ‘I’ll ping you all later’, when Chris the MD says ‘going forward’ for the 14th time, when Richard says ‘let’s diarise that as an action’. My abuse reflex was so triggered.
“I had to leave the room and yell ‘f**k the lot of you’ in the toilets. Which is inefficient and a strong argument against office working in itself.”
Mike Bishop of sales said: “I had to deliver a whole presentation without once saying ‘what the f**k is up with your tie’ to Tom. It had frogs on. Frogs.”