Everyone in office can tell man got laid at weekend

AN entire office is painfully aware that one of their colleagues got it at the weekend, it has been confirmed.

Normally sullen marketing manager Stephen Malley has been offering to make tea, sitting back in his chair, sighing wistfully and checking his reflection while grinning like a tit.

Colleague Helen Archer said: “I shouldn’t be mean because he’s five foot eight and is really into paintball, so it is quite the achievement.

“But he’s so pleased with himself it’s making me nauseous. And the hints he’s dropping. ‘Let’s just say we had a particularly lovely evening’.

“Right. Gotcha.”

Malley said: “Is it me, or does the office seem like a magical, joyous place full of people who thought I would never have sex?”