A COLLEAGUE is eating lunch at his desk for the sole purpose of making everyone he works with look bad, he has confirmed.
Tom Booker, aged 38, has barely paused toiling to consume a packed lunch of sandwiches and crisps while all around him shiftless, lazy colleagues dally in the canteen and their employer foots the bill.
Booker said: “You need to go to a special place to order a special meal just to get through your day? What are you, French?
“I’m a non-stop guy who’s so busy and important he can’t leave his desk even for five minutes, or that’s how it looks. What nobody realises is it’s a highly calculated power play.
“One glimpse of me, crumbs spilling into my keyboard, and their downtime is ruined. They look like slackers. When I ask them to finish jobs for me they have no choice, pawns in my great game of lunchtime chess.
“Unbeknownst to them I’m making no progress whatsoever doing this. I’ve got one hand free which I use to click on emails while waving a sandwich around in the other. It’s pure psychological warfare.”
Co-worker Carolyn Ryan said: “Poor Tom, eating alone at his desk. He must have realised how much we hate him.”