Sunday, 1st November 2020

Meetings ‘optimal time to think about sex’

THE best time to think about sex is during a work meeting, researchers have found.

Meetings are the perfect time to think about sex because it is possible to sit there nodding at something on a screen, yet be thinking nonstop about what it might be like to bed that 23-year-old from personnel.

Researchers confirmed multiple benefits of using meetings to think about sex, including getting paid while experiencing imaginary sex acts, and avoiding listening to something called a ‘risks register’.

Other environments were ‘less optimal’ for imagining a good boning, including operating a forklift, administering intravenous medication or having a conversation with HMRC.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, stressed it was important to maintain an internal monologue, adding: “It gives the game away if Nathan from personnel asks if there are any questions and you scream, ‘Yes! Yes! Harder!’.

“The only thing that doesn’t work is marketing meetings. They make you feel that humanity should stop reproducing altogether in case it produces more marketing executives.”