Middle-aged office worker mortifies younger colleagues by photocopying his arse

A MAN’S younger colleagues were left speechless when he dropped his trousers and sat on a photocopier to show them how we used to enjoy office Christmas parties.

After several glasses of prosecco, senior administrator Norman Steele, 56, decided the time had come to unbuckle and get the party going with some anal duplication.

Steele said: “Back in the day it wasn’t Christmas if you hadn’t plonked your sweaty buttocks on the photocopying machine and run off some copies of your bum crack.

“I made a beeline for the photocopier, undid my belt and hopped up on the glass screen while awkwardly fumbling with my underpants. I hit the green button and smudgy grey images of my bum started pouring out.

“I assumed I’d really broken the ice, but when I looked up they were all just staring at me in horror as if I was a sexual pervert. I think one of them was texting human resources.”

Co-worker Tom Booker, 24, said: “Did people really do that? It’s disgusting. I mean there are serious hygiene issues. And if Norman wanted to expose himself he should really have got our consent.”

Fellow office worker Nikki Hollis, 21, said: “When the photocopies came out I could see a grey blob that I’m sure was one of Norman’s testicles.

“Is this a form of sexual harassment? Do I have to call the police?”

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Brexit advent calendar has something bad behind every door

PEOPLE who bought a Brexit advent calendar have discovered it goes on forever and every door conceals an unpleasant surprise.

As well as poor-quality gifts, the calendar has thousands of days to represent future trade negotiations, causing the ‘fun’ festive activity to drag on tediously.

Office manager Martin Bishop said: “We’d expected nice patriotic gifts like some luxury British chocolate, but when I opened today’s door there was just a crappy plastic figure of Andrea Leadsom.  

“On the 14th there was actually some chocolate, but it was that weird American type that tastes slightly greasy. Then on the 19th there was a small wooden banana. I’m not sure what I’m meant to do with that.”

Fellow calendar owner Donna Sheridan said: “My Brexit advent calendar just goes on day after day with no end in sight. I’m getting sick of the whole thing.

“I wouldn’t mind so much if the gifts were any good, but on Tuesday there was just a picture of Liam Fox. I had to go out and buy my young daughter a Freddo to stop her crying.

“And I’m not sure who would want a tiny blue passport that doesn’t serve any particular purpose.”