Office Christmas lunch not horribly awkward

A GROUP of workmates has had a Christmas lunch that was not unbearably awkward.

It is understood the office colleagues enjoyed several hours of relaxed camaraderie in a city centre bar.

A theory that the entire group was incredibly drunk was discounted after it emerged that each diner only consumed one alcoholic drink.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “The office Christmas lunch is a ritual marked by gritted teeth, awkward smiles, pissed, career-damaging speeches, pathetic unrequited lust, and embarrassing requited lust.

“The only way through it is to take regular trips to the toilet to hide and/or take drugs.”

He added: “It could be that these people are a one-off; a group of workmates who are entirely compatible both professionally and socially.

“Or they have all taken drugs.”

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Europe reassures Britain it has been a laughing stock for decades

IN a move to allay fears that Brexit had damaged Britain’s reputation, Europe confirmed the country has been a pathetic laughing stock for ages.

An EU spokesman said: “For decades, centuries even, you’ve been regarded as that cold, shitty country full of drunk people who don’t know how to use sunblock.

“And your food is actually worse than America’s.”

The spokesman added: “The whole of Europe has long regarded your parliament as a playpen for elitist man-babies braying at each other.

“Please, don’t be worried. You couldn’t have made it worse.”