A SECRET Santa gift to be unwrapped later will, before 5.30pm, become the subject of an investigation by human resources.
Martin Bishop, who was delighted to be buying for 22-year-old colleague Grace Wood-Morris this year, believes that she and everyone will find the thong he has bought her hilarious.
Bishop said: “It’s red with white frills and an embroidered message on the crotch saying ‘When I think of you I touch my elf’. Grace will love that, it’s very festive.
“I would never write that in an email, God no, but I’m pretty sure conveying it via underwear wrapped in tissue paper and opened publicly before the rest of the office is perfectly acceptable.
“When she opens it I’ll be at the back of the crowd, laughing loudly to show how funny it is and speculating about who could have bought it, which will throw everyone off the scent. I might start a chant of ‘try it on!’. As a joke obviously.
“And if she bursts into tears and runs off to the bathroom, I’m still safe because nobody will ever find out it’s me. Secret Santa’s like omertà in the Mafia. That trust is sacred.”
HR manager Joanna Kramer said: “I expect I’ll soon have a little present for Martin. I hope he likes it.”