Woman spends another morning wondering why cats are so mean to each other

A WOMAN who is meant to be working confirmed she has spent the time wondering why cats are mean to each other.

Emma Bradford admitted she often spends entire mornings at her desk pondering cat behaviour because it is much more interesting than insurance claims.

Ignoring her ringing office phone, Bradford said: “I just don’t know why they’re not nicer to each other. They have every reason to be. They’re all cats, after all.

“I’ve got two cats and just last night they were just sitting there, by the radiator, and one of them just turned around and hit the other one for nothing.”

“And the other one just took it and didn’t fight back or anything. Then they both just went back to sitting by the radiator like nothing had happened.”

“They really are strange,” added Bradford whilst checking Facebook on her phone, under her desk.

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Man's high IQ has not stopped him wanking on about it

A MAN with a very high IQ score has not used his intelligence to realise that everyone would like him to shut the fuck up about it.

After scoring 146 in a dubious online test, office worker Nathan Muir now believes he is supernaturally intelligent and must inform what he calls ‘ordinary people’ of the fact.

Colleague Emma Bradford said: “Nathan tries to shoehorn his IQ into the conversation in really blatant ways. If he’s so fucking clever you’d think he’d be a bit more subtle about it.

“Today he randomly said ‘What is intelligence?’ and tried to get a discussion going. When that didn’t work he emailed everyone a link to an IQ test ‘Just for a bit of fun!’.

“Clearly his incredible intelligence does not include the ability to perceive that no one gives a shit. Or the fact that he is still just a twat in an office, not Professor Xavier out of the X-Men.”

Muir said: “I’ve discreetly mentioned my IQ a few dozen times on Facebook and LinkedIn, so I expect soon I’ll be given a top job with the government or asked to help NASA.

“I’ve got some very interesting ideas if you fancy chatting about them. I’ll buy the coffees. Where are you going? The cafeteria’s this way.”