An old man falling under a bus: my kind of fun, with Suella Braverman

WE all need a laugh every now and again, like the guffaw I let out when seeing a Rwandan detention centre. These are my other go-to giggles: 

The rodent steamroller

I was brainstorming some crime prevention ideas with my team when out of nowhere one of them says ‘Imagine a load of rodents running away from a steamroller! But they can’t escape and it keeps on coming!’ and I admit it, we cracked up. They could hear us in the select committees. Even now I’m snorting.

Miscarriages of justice

There’s so much classic British comedy that’s still just as funny today: the Guildford Four, the Birmingham Six, Barry George, all those sub-postmasters. It was just so hilariously farcical when they got fitted up by corrupt police forces. They really should bring that back.

An old man falling under a bus

I actually saw this with my own eyes. He went down off the kerb like a sack of potatoes and wham! The bus driver got out, everyone was ashen-faced, I was howling with laughter and holding onto a lamppost to keep myself upright. God, I wish I could have filmed it.

All Quiet On The Western Front

An absolute travesty that this didn’t sweep the board at the Oscars, but comedies never do. From trench warfare to amputations without anaesthetic to the guy with the moustache getting shot in the woods, I was on the floor. And the war ends seconds after the hero gets killed! Come on. That is hysterical.

Windrush deportations

Priti Patel might be an idiot Boris apologist who should be wiped out like vermin, but she had a solid sense of humour. When I’m feeling down after seeing people walking free on the streets as if they’re allowed, I go through the Windrush files until I find a particularly blameless deportation and that gets me in a good mood.

The inevitable destruction of any morals or virtues in British life

When you look back on 13 years of Conservative government and the acceptance of lying for political ends, the mock-outrage at any principled attack on the government, the erosion of all pretence at ethical behaviour and the sheer misery it’s caused, well. You have to laugh.

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Don't get too attached to your house, warn banks

BANKS have advised you, in the light of the ongoing banking crisis, not to get too comfortable in your house because they may need it back. 

Following the emergency rescue of Credit Suisse, the Bank of England has claimed the country is safe and sound with the minor caveat that anyone who relies in any way on the banking system may soon lose their home and all of their possessions.

A spokesman said: “Enjoy it while you’ve got it, that’s all we’re saying. After all, you never know what’s around the corner.

“If, hypothetically, every financial institution in the world is exposed to the same risks as Credit Suisse because bankers got bored and had a flutter, there may be repossessions. You read the small print in your mortgage, right?

“Experts aren’t forecasting a 2008-style recession, just like they didn’t in 2008, so no need to worry. But maybe take a few photos and do a little filming just so you’ve got the memories.

“Hey, we’ve had some good times though, haven’t we? Well we have. For you guys it’s been austerity and wage stagnation. But trust us, they’ll be good times compared to what’s coming.”

Homeowner Martin Bishop said: “On the one hand I don’t want to live in a tent, on the other I can’t be arsed finishing decorating the spare room, so swings and roundabouts.”