Boats stopped

ALL small boats crossing the Channel have halted their sailings immediately after the Rwanda bill passed its second reading.

The human traffickers running the crossings have packed up their dinghies and gone home, and all asylum seekers have agreed Britain has them beaten this time.

Refugee Issam Haydar, who left his war-torn country when he lost his home and family, said: “No way I’m going to the UK now. Those guys are tough.

“If this reading hadn’t been passed, or even if Rishi hadn’t shown a willingness to really toughen up the language used at the committee stage, I’d have been straight over. After all, 75 per cent of asylum applicants are accepted as valid.

“But now this bill’s been passed, the deterrent effect is being properly felt because deterrents always work. It’s why nobody in your country smokes cannabis.

“I guess I’ll just have to abandon all hope of coming to Britain and settle in France, because after this there is no way the Tories are losing the next election. That is a landslide on lock.”

He added: “Shame really, because I’m a doctor.”

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I asked my son what he wanted for Christmas and he said 'Stop the boats, daddy'

By Roy Hobbs

WHAT have we come to when a five-year-old tot is begging his father to stop uncontrolled immigration? It’s disgusting that such a true thing should definitely have happened.

Naturally my first instinct as a father was to go on Twitter. How can it be right that our failed immigration policies are playing on the mind of a small but surprisingly aware child who definitely exists?

Of course, there were the ‘Yeah, that really happened’ comments, but that’s just woke leftists who won’t accept Britain is a lawless Third World cesspit now. I almost feel sorry for them, living in a made-up fantasy world. 

I’d love to reassure my little Billy that Father Christmas will start deporting foreigners soon, but of course we all know Santa isn’t real. Unlike Billy. I’d post a photo of him as proof but I can’t because of all the paedos.

It’s heartbreaking how times have changed. When I was a lad all I wanted for Christmas was an Action Man and a football, but my son is growing up worried it’ll be illegal to be a white heterosexual cisgender male soon. That’s another thing he said, he’s very bright for his age.

All I can say is thank you for all the ‘likes’ from other concerned parents like ‘Rights 4 Whites’, ‘Emma Biological Woman’ and ‘SS Lone Wolf’. It’s reassuring to know there’s an online community out there that only has the best interests of kiddies at heart.

Obviously I’d like a proper leader like Farage to sort out the Remoaners, transgenders and asylum seekers. But can I really say, hand on heart, ‘Don’t worry son, soon we’ll be putting them all in camps’? 

The way things are going, next Christmas little Billy will probably be asking for a vagina. In fact I’m strangely sure he’s going to say that.