Brexiter unable to comprehend how strikers could vote to deliberately inconvenience him

A BREXIT voter cannot see how striking workers are allowed to vote for action which deliberately and wilfully makes his life worse. 

Steve Malley, aged 49, is shocked there exists no legal impediment to voting to make your fellow citizens’ lives measurably poorer just to benefit yourself.

He said: “Can’t they see the damage they’re doing to this country? And for what?

“They think they’re fighting on behalf of the working man. Deluded idiots. Why can’t they think of the families they’ve put barriers between and the needless inconvenience we’re all suffering?

“And they know nothing about economics. They actually believe the union bosses’ lies that this will make them richer? Can’t they see they’ll only impoverish themselves further? Why can’t people think things through?

“It’s right that the Tories are going to legislate to overrule their votes. Democracy’s a noble principle but you can’t leave big decisions like this in the hands of credulous idiots.”

Malley added: “They’re everything that’s wrong with Britain today. There is no other reason.”

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This is nothing to do with my penis not working properly anymore. By Jeremy Clarkson

MY hatred of Meghan that’s cellular and keeps me awake at night has no connection, I can categorically state, with my non-functioning penis. 

No, the burning rage I feel at the Duchess of Sussex, using poor Harry like a puppet when he should be out there sowing the world with Royal bastards, is unrelated to my flaccid, unresponsive member.

You could hit it with a hammer and it wouldn’t even twitch. Even chemically-assisted erections, the only kind I have now, leave me red-faced on the sofa with a pounding head. Entirely separately, I fantasise about pelting a beautiful, naked woman with dung.

She deserves it for what she did to that poor man she’s married and tricked into thinking he’s happy. He’ll learn when his one true source of joy is limp and useless like a vestigal tail.

Cars don’t do it anymore either. I can feel the throb of a Ferrari Testarossa’s flat-12 but nothing, where I used to be hard as tungsten. I worry over the years I’ve given myself the penile equivalent of vibration white finger. Anyway Meghan.

She’s lying, we all know that. All men my age, who dare not speak of the tragedy in their trousers, agree. She’s a duplicitious Californian gold-digger who’s ripped away the pride of young British manhood.

It’s made our proud nation look impotent and useless and she needs to pay. She needs to writhe naked in the flames of hell forever. As punishment, not titilation. I’m well past that.

So, in summary, it’s stopped working. All the farms and tractors and cars and Amazon money and middle-aged fans clapping me at car shows and it’s stopped working. It’s Meghan’s fault. She must be made to pay.

Jeremy Clarkson writes every Saturday for The Sun, because of course he does.