THE Makerfield by-election campaign means that once again, the UK is being forcibly exposed to the political opinions of bewildered troglodytes.
As broadcasters stake out every corner of the constituency, residents who only popped out for a Twix are expressing their confused views on National Insurance thresholds for a judgmental national audience.
Spot-welder Wayne Hayes said: “I only wanted some cans and a scratchcard but suddenly foxy Sophy Ridge is asking me whether Burnham is justified in dismissing the bond market. And, God help me, with blood rushing to my cock I answered.
“It turns out views like ‘is that Osborne still chancellor?’ and ‘they’re all as bad as each other’ were not sagacious wisdom but, when I saw them on TV that night, the burblings of an urban village idiot.
“I’m not an economics expert to be fair. I mainly judge inflation by the price of Freddos.”
Journalist Charlotte Phelps said: “We’ve come up from London like Victorian explorers heading into the Congo, to inform Britain its destiny hinges on stray imbeciles who have nothing better to do than stand outside Greggs at 11am on a Tuesday.
“If the only one free is a man called Gaz holding a slavering XL Bully, that’s who we’re interviewing. Is he the best person to explain fiscal drag? Probably not. But crucially he managed not to say anything legally actionable about immigrants.
“Has Labour lost touch with them? Bloody lucky for Labour if it has. Ah well, a week and a half of free-range morons left before they decide the country’s future.”
