Saturday, 30th May 2020

Britain knew Johnson would never deceive them over affair with a blonde

A RELIEVED nation has confessed they knew their hero Boris Johnson would never use his position to have tawdry sex with a blonde American. 

Now that there will be no criminal probe into his relationship with entrepreneur Jennifer Arcuri, Johnson is totally cleared of any suspicion of wrongdoing, just as Britain expected all along. 

Margaret Gerving said: “I knew it was all lies when they said he had an inappropriate sexual relationship. Not Boris, I said. 

“Now he’s been exonerated all those dirty people with their minds in the gutter will finally have to accept he was only having IT lessons from that lovely lady without a sniff of impropriety. 

“There’s just no way he would allow his base lusts to overwhelm his sense of civic duty. He gave her those grants because of her undoubted technological brilliance. Mark my words, she’ll be the next Steve Jobs. 

Norman Steele said: “The man’s guided by a strict moral code. He’s like a Puritan. I feel sorry for him because he’s denied himself so much in the service of his country. 

“He could never lie to anyone, especially not for sex. Anyone who doubts that isn’t British and should be deported.”