ACROSS the world and Europe, right-wing populists have ascended to power. But now the tide appears to be turning, and all I got out of it was being MP for Clacton?
Viktor Orbán is out after 16 years of authoritarianism. Giorgia Meloni’s rule over in Italy is in trouble. Trump’s popularity is at a new low. But never mind them, what about me?
How did I manage to miss the wave? I’ve been hanging around being populist, leading UKIP and the Brexit Party and briefly the Anti-Vax Party and now Reform, for bloody decades. I thought we’d all agreed it was my turn.
But all of a sudden and for no discernible reason populism isn’t winning elections. Being Trump’s friend isn’t cool. Backing Putin’s positions over the interests of your own nation no longer makes you sexy and attractive.
I mean, what the f**k? Just as I’ve declared my readiness for power and appointed my lightly shop-soiled shadow cabinet? I thought Britain believed in fairness?
Once we were a band of brothers. Now I’m running out of people to distance myself from. It’s like vowing to destroy every cherished national institution by staffing it with your corrupt cronies is going out of style before I even got to do it. I blame Elon Musk.
So far Reform polling is holding steady at 23 per cent but let’s be real, that’s not going to hold when the public gets a proper look at the sick freaks we’re putting up as candidates.
So there we have it. A lifetime in politics, three pints and half a pack of Rothmans every lunchtime, and my high point is leading eight MPs. God, if only populism didn’t always fail so badly. It’d be a different story then.
