JEREMY Hunt’s offer of free childcare is actually a ploy to shag every sexy mum in the UK, it has emerged.
The support for mothers facing exorbitant child minder costs is intended to make the chancellor, who looks like an abnormally tall rodent, incredibly sexually attractive.
Hunt said: “The hot mums will come flocking. Treasury research shows there are millions of them stuck at home with annoying kids so I’ll be only too glad to show them my big package. Of childcare measures.
“Once the MILFs and yummy mummies turn up at 11 Downing Street, moist with gratitude, I’ll suggest discussing the shortage of affordable child minders in the UK in the bedroom over a glass of champagne. I’m going to be up to my neck in experienced muff.
“I’ll be banging them and sending them on their way quicker than Tom Jones. I don’t know how I’ll find time to run the economy and stop it shrinking. So no change there.”
Mother-of-three Carolyn Ryan said: “I’d barely noticed Hunt before. He sort of merges into the background like smug mist, but this new policy is a real turn-on for me.
“I’ve been fantasising that Jeremy and I are Dutch, with well-funded childcare and easy access to shared parental leave. Then we explore each other’s nether regions sensuously at our leisure with my four-year-old Oscar thankfully somewhere else.”
Father-of-two Tom Logan said: “I’d do anything to get my wife going like Jeremy has. Apart from look after the kids for the day. Being cuckolded by Hunt is preferable to that f**king nightmare.”
