Friday, 28th February 2020

Johnson opens Merkel talks with five minutes of Nazi jokes

BORIS Johnson is to put Angela Merkel at her ease with a solid five minutes of Nazi jokes at today’s meeting, he has confirmed. 

The prime minister believes there is no way that talks can progress without first dealing with the elephant in the room - that Britain beat Germany in two world wars and could do it again tomorrow. 

Johnson said: “Should I build up to goose-stepping? Or open with it?

“My accent’s fantastic and Gavin Williamson’s lent me an authentic 1943 SS uniform he keeps in his office. I think it’ll really break the ice. 

“I’m going to cover the Blitz, the annexation of the Sudetenland, Hitler only having one ball, a bit of left-wing material Ken Livingstone left in the mayor’s office, then my full Downfall impression. 

“Once we’ve had a laugh while reinforcing that Germany are the bad guys and Britain the heroes, we can negotiate in a climate of honesty and friendliness and really get things done.” 

Merkel said: “I’ve got four World Cups on a shelf behind me. But he’s too much of a posh b*llend to even recognise them.”