SIR Keir Starmer and Angela Rayner have released an official statement after being cleared by Durham police simply reading ‘Lol’.
The Labour leader and deputy leader were investigated for Beergate, a scandal invented by right-wing newspapers, cleared completely and plan an epic piss-up this afternoon.
A spokesman said: “Sir Keir and Angela are out at the pub right now. I mean, you can’t blame them, can you? What a hilarious end to an absolutely cracking week.
“They’ll start easy this afternoon with a few pints outside a Westminster pub, probably raising an ironic toast to ‘Sir Beer Korma’, a phrase the Sun invented that it might not be finding so funny today.
“I imagine they’ll raise a glass to Boris being hoyed out of office for being a lying prick while they get shitfaced. Angela might order a bottle of Veuve Clicquot just to wind up Dominic Raab.
“After that they’ll see where the day takes them – probably an ironic curry – but they want to reinforce that this is f**king hilarious, that they’ve never had more to celebrate, and that it doesn’t matter which twat the Tories elect because even pissed they could kick their arse handily.”
He added: “And just to repeat, for the sake of clarity and schadenfreude: ‘Lol’.”