THE prime minister has decided to take a massive gamble with Britain’s health by ending all restrictions as cases are soaring. But why?
He feels lucky
Like any tuxedo-wearing posh boy in a casino, Boris feels like Lady Luck is on his arm and he can’t lose. Because he’s never lost. Because he’s posh.
He had big plans for being prime minister and they’ve all been put on hold by this bloody pandemic. Time to get it done like Brexit. The cost doesn’t matter. Someone else will pay.
He’s like Churchill
Did Churchill say we should hide in our houses until the Nazis are gone? No, and he’s the British hero who inspired an insurance dog. Are Nazis and a novel coronavirus different? Yes, but forget that.
The science sort of allows it
As Professor Chris Whitty muttered while staring at his shoes yesterday, if you squint at the science a certain way it sort of backs this up, a bit, as long as you’re prepared to accept the deaths. Which Boris is.
Europe’s being cautious
If Europe’s being cautious then it’s Britain’s duty to be suicidally reckless. That’s what we voted for in 2016. If this pays off we’ll have made them look right dicks.
America’s doing it
The UK is a proud, independent nation that should do everything exactly like America does. And they’re not locking down therefore we shouldn’t. F**k Australia. Cowards.
A new British variant could conquer the world
What a boost for global Britain if the petri-dish of our nation creates a groundbreaking new Covid variant that makes Delta look like nothing. What a symbol for our buccaneering nation.
The nutters are rising
Specifically the nutters within the Tory party, who’ve had enough of fighting a virus that doesn’t even acknowledge Thatcherite free-market principles and doesn’t deserve respect.
He’ll be fine
If there’s one thing Boris knows, it’s that he’ll emerge unscathed from pretty much any massive f**k-up he cares to make and nobody will blame him. So why not?