MATHEMATICS is yet another great British instutition captured by hard-left teachers who insist on things ‘adding up’. Here’s how patriots do it:
One Starmer beer = 12 parties in Downing Street
Innumerate idiots in the left-wing press somehow think that a mere 12 parties total bad news for the government. No. First, the number of parties is N+1, where N is the current number and one more is added each day. Second, the leader of the opposition drinking a single beer generates the anger of (N+1) cubed.
Four Labour colleagues + Starmer x bottle of beer = lockdown rave
Keir Starmer represents a deforming number less than zero, so when the multiplying effects of a bottle of Peroni are added, this was a 600-person illegal lockdown rave that directly killed 40,000 people. Resignation logically follows.
Party + (Boris + Carrie + Wilfred) = work event
It is not mathematically sustainable for a party to exist in the presence of variables like the prime minister, his lovely wife and their charming baby. The waveform of ‘party’ collapses to become a ‘work event’, which retrospectively changes Covid rules to allow itself.
Infinite number of parties ÷ Sue Gray report = 6 sacked aides – (licence fee x Navy gunboats in channel)
The function of a Sue Gray report is to remove all primes from the equation, meaning that a few sacked aides, a show of military force and the government’s little BBC present to Rupert reduce infinity to zero consequences.
Brexit = permanent happiness forever
This is absolutely basic stuff that children should be learning before they can even count. It’s foundational to the kind of maths we will be building our country on. That 2 + 2 = 4 stuff is outdated. The logic of our position demands it is whatever the Party says it is.