All options ruled out

THE UK’s political leaders have ruled out the Brexit deal, a no-deal Brexit, a second referendum, a general election, remaining in the EU and continuing the current situation. 

The prime minister and the leader of the opposition have agreed that none of the options available to them are tenable and must all be dismissed before any progress can be made.

Jeremy Corbyn said: “The British people are sick of their humdrum range of limited choices.

“Nobody wants a second referendum. Nobody wants a no-deal exit. The only deal on the table has been resoundingly rejected, and though I claim to want a general election I’d actually rather just take over but there’s not the support.

“But I can say categorically that we reject all the options so far raised, and indeed anything confined by the arbitrary limits of the merely possible.

“Perhaps we could exist in a quantum state both in and out of the EU. Perhaps Britain splits into a thousand warring factions. Perhaps we wink out of reality to return for one day every hundred years.

“Either way, we’re resolutely opposed to doing anything that we could actually do. Your move, universe.”