And also there’s the cash from the smack trade, says Cameron

THE prime minister has admitted making £80,000 from importing heroin but that it ended well before the 2010 election. 

David Cameron inherited the business, which included opium fields in Malaysia and a processing factory in Malta, but insists he sold his shares two months before he became prime minister.

He continued: “My father’s heroin business was not so much aimed at narcotics refinement as providing a decent income to those former subjects of the Empire left high and dry by independence.

“The unfortunate fact that it was, and is, in contravention of some international laws is really irrelevant. This business kept people in work during some pretty tough times.

“When I was 18 I actually did some door-to-door work selling the product and let me tell you it was very much needed by the ordinary, decent people of Britain.

“I sold the shares, half of which were owned by my wife Samantha, in February 2010 for actually slightly less than the market value, and sadly wasn’t able to pay tax because I feared the authorities would kick up a fuss.

“Now, if my opponents are finished dragging my late father’s name through the mud, I have a country to run.”

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Most popular baby names now just random jumbles of letters

THE trend for original baby names has led parents to use random sequences of letters like Lllrdwnnq.

Researchers found that child naming trends have moved on from WW2 bomber pilot names and hippy-sounding things like ’Noon’ towards just randomly bashing a keyboard then calling their kid whatever emerges.

Emma Bradford, mother of six-month-old Rbkdq, said: “My child is unique and so is his name.

“In fact we’re quite fluid about the spelling of it, partly because it has no vowels which makes it quite hard to remember. Some days it’s ‘Rbkdq’ and other days its ‘Rwqqw’.

“Sometimes people ask me how it’s pronounced and I just glare at them as if they’re morons. I actually find it quite offensive.”

Tom and Louise Logan called their daughter ‘Twegbneroi’. Tom said: “It could be the name of a mystical tribe of peace-loving badger people who existed before the dinosaurs.

“It’s not though. It’s just us trying really, really hard to be different.”