Britons confirm they'll vote for anything as long as they never hear the word 'Brexit' again

EVERYONE in Britain has confirmed they will happily vote for absolutely anything as long as they do not have to ever hear the word ‘Brexit’ ever again.

The Institute for Studies found that whether they had voted Leave or Remain, banishing the word ‘Brexit’ from the language was now the biggest priority.

Annoyed man, Tom Booker said: “I’d vote for Idi Amin if it just meant I didn’t have to hear Brexit ever, and I mean ever, a-fucking-gain.

“Not even in a historical context either. If some history teacher wants to talk about Brexit they can just say, ‘that two year bout of constipation’. I’m pretty sure the kids would get what they meant.”

Annoyed woman, Nikki Hollis added: “At least change the name of it. It was a made up name to begin with anyway. Just make up another one. Like ‘shandwhich’.”

“Brexit is Britain’s Exit and shandwich is shit sandwich. Same thing.”

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Amnesty International secures release of Coco, the Coco Pops monkey

COCO the Coco Pops monkey has been freed, emaciated and blinking at the light, by campaigners from Amnesty International. 

The monkey, famous to Britons as the face of the cereal for more than 50 years, was imprisoned for advertising junk food to children and sentenced to life without possibility of parole. 

He said: “Once, I proudly proclaimed to the young people of Britain that I ‘live in the jungle, not in a zoo’. But compared to where I have been, a zoo is a paradise. 

“Rotting alone in a darkened jail, I drank the milk of my bug-infested porridge not because it was delicious and brown and chocolatey but because I needed it to survive another day. 

“It is only thanks to the ceaseless campaigning of my friends Alan Anteater, Hefty Hippo and even my old enemy Crafty Croc that I stand before you today, a free monkey. 

“Amnesty’s efforts cannot end here. Please, I call upon everyone to write letters and donate funds so we can release the Caramel Bunny.” 

When asked how he planned to celebrate his freedom, Coco said he would be eating about six bowls of sugar.