Brown Era To Be Cold And Wet, Says Met Office

THE premiership of Gordon Brown will be dominated by the damp, dreary weather so typical of his native Fife, the Met Office warned last night.

As the final barrier to Brown's accession was swept away, attention was focussed on how the climate would perform when the Chancellor finally enters Number 10.

The vast Brownite depression as seen from space

A Met Office spokesman said: "We've had 10 years of unseasonably warm weather under Tony Blair. Lots of sunshine and happy days at the beach. That's all over.

"We predict that the next few years will be dark, overcast, unremittingly cold and with a bitter northerly wind that will make you curse the day Mr Brown was born."

He added: "There are a number of theories as to why the weather has taken a downturn but we suspect it's because Mr Brown was not privately educated."

Meanwhile first minister Alex Salmond is demanding that control of Scotland's weather be transferred from Westminster to Holyrood.

In his latest confrontation with London Mr Salmond said: "It will not have escaped the notice of the Scottish people that London Labour made the sun shine all through a bitterly contested election campaign when it suited them.

"Yet, after the SNP won its historic victory, and Gordon Brown got his hands on the levers of weather power, it has done nothing but piss it down up here."

Mr Salmond said the SNP manifesto had pledged eternal sunshine with just a sprinkling of early morning rain before anyone was awake.

The first minister stressed that Scottish control of Scottish weather was vital if he was to fulfill his pledge to start a war with Holland.

He said: "You can't launch an invasion across the North Sea in weather like this. It would be an unpardonable folly."