DAVID Cameron is trying to find a band he can listen to, safe in the knowledge the musicians do not hate his guts.
After being criticised by Squeeze on The Andrew Marr Show, Cameron has begun a musical quest to find a group that is in favour of right-wing politics, the Tory party and class privilege.
Cameron said: “I’ve already had run-ins with The Smiths and The Jam. How was I to know Paul Weller wasn’t an old Etonian and Eton Rifles isn’t about all the fun he had in the cadet corps?
“I’m looking for a band that’s into neoliberalism, fox hunting and the privatisation of the NHS.
“I thought The Beatles might be a possibility because Taxman is about lower taxes for the rich, but it turns out John Lennon was a dreadful hippy.”
He added: “Apparently The Spice Girls loved Margaret Thatcher, but I’ve listened to Spice more than 30 times and there isn’t a single reference to the sinking of the Belgrano.
“I’ll probably just have to form my own Conservative rock band. Michael Gove is really into it and we’ve already written a power ballad about Trident missiles.”