Cereal boxes to run 'Brexit means...' competition

CEREAL boxes are to run a competition to finish the sentence ‘Brexit means…what?’, it has emerged.

All major cereal companies will run the government-backed contest, with the prize being a job as the UK’s ambassador to the EU.

A government spokesman said: “This competition is open to patriots of all ages, although winners under 12 will have to be accompanied to work by a parent. 

“Get as creative as you like, as far as we’re concerned the answer could be anything. You could submit a detailed 48-page document outlining fiscal policy, or just a nice picture of a lion.

“We will also be giving bonus points for anyone who can finish the sentence, ‘You get Boris Johnson to shut the fuck up by…’”

He added: “This is a serious thing so don’t just go writing ‘massive ballbags’ or something, you’d just be wasting everyone’s time.”

Four-year-old Mary Fisher said: “I think Brexit is a type of dinosaur. Not a cool one though. One of those rubbish fat ones that eats leaves.”

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UK recklessly getting into debt to buy food

IRRESPONSIBLE Britons are running up huge debts to live in buildings and buy food.

Personal debt is spiralling upwards due to people using credit to splash out on luxuries like bags of pasta, rent payments and getting their car repaired.

Office worker Donna Sheridan said: “I was in Lidl when I saw this adorable bag of potatoes. They looked so lovely and filling I couldn’t resist putting them on my card.

“It was irresponsible but I think we all deserve little treats, like paying your council tax so collection agencies don’t immediately start threatening you every day.”

Van driver Martin Bishop said: “I was really leading the high life on my credit card – three meals a day, the latest shower gel, my own kettle. At one point I owned 20 pairs of socks.

“Now I can’t sleep for worrying. I could really kick myself for frittering all that money on fancy electricity bills just to look like a big shot in front of my friends.”

Personal finance expert Emma Bradford said: “It’s easy to overspend with credit cards because it doesn’t feel as though you’re handing over real money for that expensive tin of baked beans with sausages in.

“Many creditors will accept a payment plan where you give them all your money and live off a biscuit a day.”