Corbyn faces party split over lunch order

JEREMY Corbyn faced fresh humiliation yesterday after 35 MPs had a different lunch to him.

Despite clearly indicating he fancied the pasta bake, a core of poultryite MPs defied him and got the chicken in breadcrumbs instead.

Backbencher Nikki Hollis said: “Jeremy tried to laugh it off, asking why they were eating that imperialist Kentucky fried muck, but you could tell deep down he was furious.

“He ended up hardly touching his lunch, he just played with bits of aubergine until they formed the shape of Keir Hardie’s face.”

She added: “It was simpler in the Blairite days, you’d just order the most expensive thing on the menu and say you were ‘aspirational’.”

The rift looks set to widen on Monday as the canteen is closed for maintenance, offering Labour members a free vote on what to have for lunch.

Corbyn is planning to bring in some sandwiches from home.

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UK facing child artwork disposal crisis

THE volume of drawings created by children will bury Britain by 2025, experts have warned.

Latest figures show that Britain is facing an environmental catastrophe because weak-willed, sentimental parents are unable to throw their child’s rubbish artwork in the bin.

Waste expert Norman Steele said: “A child armed with a pack of crayons can work through 500 pages of A4 in a matter of minutes. And they insist each and every precious creation is retained.

“As a result parents can only dispose of them by chucking them out the window during the CBeebies Bedtime Hour or flytipping them at midnight in laybys.

“Meanwhile millions of glitter-based collages are being shipped to China, where children of roughly the same age dismantle them by hand.”

Father-of-three Wayne Hayes said: “Scribbling away with crayons is the only thing that shuts them up, so as  the nation chokes on them please try to remember it does buy me five minutes’ peace.

“Also, try not to look at any one picture for too long or it will drive you insane.”