Corbyn insane not to invade Iraq, says Blair

JEREMY Corbyn’s lack of a plan to invade Iraq would spell disaster for Labour, Tony Blair has claimed.

The former prime minister attacked Corbyn’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’ politics, saying Labour would be unable to win future elections without a huge war instigated by right-wing Americans.

Blair said: “He clearly has no plans for an invasion of Iraq, which is an insult to British voters who so wisely put their faith in me, George W. Bush and Jesus.

“He needs to ditch this drivel about taxing the rich and set out his bombing plans. Right now, I don’t know who he wants to bomb, or if he even wants to bomb at all.”

He added: “In politics you’ve got to be realistic. That’s why the next Labour leader needs to re-invade Iraq using these special robot soldiers I’ve drawn and coloured in myself.

“They’re nuclear and have lasers.”

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Rest of week written off

BRITAIN has agreed that this week is a total waste of everyone’s time.

Following Bank Holiday weekend weather inspired by Blade Runner, the country’s work force looked Tuesday squarely in the face and declared a resounding ‘nope’.

Office unit Nikki Hollis said: “I’m going to have a forty-five minute pee while I check out my messages on Twitter.

“After that I’m going to accidentally drop my pen under my desk and then curl up next to it for the rest of the day.”

The public has been advised to avoid any interaction with organisations and if the mood continues to deteriorate, emergency legislation will be passed to officially abandon everything until next Monday.

Meanwhile, there have been calls to replace Bank Holidays by just giving everyone some extra days off that they can take when it actually suits them.