Does ‘extremists’ include Russell Brand? asks everyone

BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.

Proposals by Theresa May to ban enemies of democracy from broadcasting were greeted cautiously but the public if that included pirate-esque comedians with messianic tendencies.

Plumber Stephen Malley said: “It’s a questionable piece of legislation ripe for abuse by the government, but just think – no Brand.

“He won’t be flipping his dandy’s hands on Alan Carr, he won’t be bumming up with Jonathan Ross, he won’t be referring to Evan’s cockring on Newsnight.

“If you live your life as a beardy cult leader mesmerising young women, you must take the consequences.”