Monday, 25th May 2020

Eighth Labour MP to quit admits she slept through her alarm on Monday

THE eighth Labour MP to quit for the independent group admitted she was meant to leave on Monday but it had been a big weekend. 

Joan Ryan, MP for Enfield North, confessed that drinking three bottles of wine to celebrate her freedom from ‘that sanctimonious lefter-than-thou twat’ on Sunday evening left her in no state for a press conference on Monday morning.

She continued: “Come on. It’s not like the anti-Semitism’s got dramatically worse in the last two days. You have to believe me.

“I don’t even remember the alarm going off, but I remember my phone buzzing like fuck and this banging on the door which turned out to be a SPAD they’d sent round. I couldn’t face it. I just put my pillow over my head and groaned.

“The other seven have been a bit off with me and fair enough, but we’re all independent. Sly sideways looks are what I left Labour to get away from.

Following the announcement that three Tories had quit, Ryan added: “Oh for Christ’s sake. Now I look like I’ve only done it because they did. 

“Still, now there’s 11 of us we’re more powerful than the DUP. And they run Britain.”