Farage still spouting shit, in case you were wondering

NIGEL Farage is still out there, talking a lot of shit, Britain has been reminded.

Experts confirmed he was still travelling the country, spouting garbage like an utter fool.

Political analyst Julian Cook said: “I think it was something about how the EU makes British cows much smaller. So leaving the EU means we’ll have bigger cows, as well as really big sheep and ‘chickens the size of pigs’.

“Meanwhile, all the animals we don’t like will become much smaller. Tiny little seagulls and titchy wasps that are terrified of picnics.

“So basically, yeah, that sort of shit. As you were.”

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Britain profoundly insulted by April Fools' stories

THE UK has been deeply insulted by today’s ‘media pranks’. 

Stories claiming Prince Philip loves the EU, James Bond is a woman and potatoes can power your home have left the public in no doubt about how stupid the powerful think they are.

Francesca Ryan, from Loughborough, said: “I’m up for a decent April Fools’ gag that lulls me into momentarily believing it before hitting me with the punchline.

“But expecting me to believe, even for a moment, that the EU is putting stars on the Union Jack is calling me a cretin then beating me over the head with a neon ‘IT’S A JOKE!!’ sign.

“Meanwhile, I’m looking at the Daily Mail and have no idea which one is supposed to be the April Fool.”

A spokesman for Virgin said: “We’ve created Kids’ Class for long-haul flights! No we haven’t! April Fool!

“Laugh, you morons, laugh! Didn’t you get it? God, you’re such idiots.”