VOTERS have advised the Conservatives that they will need more than ten minutes of free parking to win the election.
The Tory move, which is expected to save the average household nothing, follows Labour’s promise to cut tuition fees by an insignificant amount and the Lib Dem’s saying they might legalise cannabis.
Roy Hobbs of Guildford said: “By now they should be promising an island in every kitchen, child benefit for childless couples and a 250 per increase in blowjobs.
“They want to take a hint from Alex Salmond. There’s a man who can motivates voters by conjuring visions of ludicrous utopias.”
Conservative chairman Grant Shapps said: “Like a man who’s kept his mistress for too many years, we no longer put in the effort we used to.
“Ten minutes’ parking and 2p off beer is all you’re getting and be grateful it’s that much. We’ll have it back and more come June.”