I have a ten-second memory, Pickles repeatedly tells press

ERIC Pickles has admitted his memory only goes back a fraction of a minute. 

After denying criticising the Environment Agency hours after having done so, the Communities minister said his affliction began after being struck on the head by a crate of Memento DVDs.

Pickles said: “My life is a constant cycle of asking ‘what idiot said that’? and then wondering why everyone is staring at their feet looking embarrassed.”

His appointment has caused the creation of a new government post, Chief Reminder To The Minister, whose job is to walk behind him shouting “You are Eric Pickles and you work here”.

Memory problems have plagued the coalition cabinet, with Nick Clegg unable to retain any information once it’s placed in a manifesto and Michael Gove’s recollection of his school days being replaced by the 1939 film Goodbye Mr Chips.

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The King's Speech to be remade with Lego

FOLLOWING the success of The Lego Movie, acclaimed films are to be remade with Lego men instead of actors.

First to be Lego-ised is Steve McQueen’s harrowing slavery drama, which will be re-released as 12 Years a Slave Made of Lego. Also scheduled for 2015 are The Lego King’s Speech and (Space Lego) Gravity.

Studio boss Tom Booker said: “Lego is the new 3D. Lego characters are fun but they can also express big emotions.

“For example when a character is being bullwhipped by a brutal slave owner, parents are moved by the tragedy and the vivid human suffering while kids are just into it because its Lego.”

Producers hope the Lego treatment can revive classic films for a new audience, with 12 Angry Lego Men, To Kill A Lego Mockingbird and Cyrano de Lego all in pre-production.

Booker said: “Gerard Depardieu is really hard to recreate in Lego because he’s all big and lumpy.

“Matt Damon though is perfectly suited, he has the ideal short square stature and broad features, in fact just the real version of Matt slots perfectly into the Lego world.”