Friday, 29th May 2020

Is your bullshit no longer working?

HAVE you been getting by on vague, waffling bullshit for years, but suddenly it’s not doing the trick? 

Do ambigious platitudes and sketchy promises no longer allow your audience to hear whatever they want to hear, but instead leave them confused and demanding clarity?

Are your speeches now having their contradictory promises and idiotic optimism forensically pulled apart by not only this disconcerting new Labour leader but your normally loyal friends, the right-wing newspapers?

Bad news. It seems as if, after years of never being held to anything you say because you’re charismatic with fun hair, you’ve stumbled into a situation where facts are important.

And while your natural instinct is to say everything’s great and everyone should do whatever they want, for some reason – possibly this pandemic nuisance – it seems your audience prefers the truth even if it’s bad.

Worse, you’ve already fired anyone even capable of taking responsibility so it’s just you and those rising numbers that everyone pays such attention to which really aren’t helpful.

Don’t worry. Remember, you can always do what your old school chum David Cameron did when things got difficult, and quit without any personal consequences whatsoever.

So relax! None of this is really your problem. Let someone else fix it.