LABOUR’S Brexit strategy mainly consists of not upsetting angry Northern men like the ones on Question Time, senior MPs have revealed.
The party feels it is best to pretend to support Brexit due to terrifyingly furious voters from Barnsley who appear to be permanently on the brink of a heart attack.
Shadow home secretary Diane Abbott said: “Brexit is clearly rubbish but you try explaining that to people who fly off the handle if you suggest mass deportations aren’t totally brilliant.
“Sadly we need their votes, so it’s best to pretend they’re blameless ordinary folk who feel left behind by globalisation, not xenophobic, tabloid-addled morons.
“Therefore we feel the best policy is to support Brexit but sort of oppose it. It’s not very principled but it’s preferable to getting 50,000 emails from nutters who want the SAS to ‘take out’ Barnier.”
Rochdale resident Roy Hobbs said: “I really respect Labour for accepting the will of the people. However I won’t be voting for them because they’re mostly poofs.
“My doctor says I have to stop ranting or I won’t make it to 70 but that’s typical of so-called experts who hate democracy.”