THE Labour Party has announced it is to be formally wound up after losing the Hartlepool by-election.
After 121 years as a political party and 99 years as the official opposition, the party has agreed that its best years are behind it and it would only embarrass itself by limping on further.
Sir Keir Starmer, who has been appointed as executor, said: “We’d all had a chat and decided that if we lost Hartlepool then the time had come to go our separate ways.
“We had a good run and we’ve got some great memories. Harold Wilson, Tony Blair, creating the NHS, it’s a fantastic track record and we don’t want to spoil it.
“Hartlepool may seem a minor reason to call it quits, but it’s like when the Stone Roses released that new single back in 2016. It wasn’t very good and nobody cared so why push on for the full album?
“I’m resigning, the party is dissolved, our MPs will step down and as of now there is no official opposition. Trust me, you won’t even notice.”
Former voter Nathan Muir of Kidsgrove said: “What, the Labour party? Yeah, I used to be well into them back in the 90s. Split up? What? I thought they did ages ago.”