Lib Dems Are The Party Of God-Hating Perverts, Declares Clegg

THE Liberal Democrats are the party of God-hating sexual deviants or they are nothing, new leader Nick Clegg declared last night.

Mr Huhne told Five Live presenter Simon Mayo that even if God existed he would be a ponce, and that all Christians were gay for Jesus.

He also revealed he had appointed Brian Eno, the cross-dressing pervert musician, as his catamite, and said he loved to tie one end of a cat to a post and the other to his car before driving off.

Mr Clegg added: "I will respond to what Britain wants, particularly if they're looking for a mix of depraved sex acts and bible burning." 

Openly Christian Daily Mail columnist Peter Hitchens said: "The Lib Dems may feel comfortable having an atheist bisexual as their leader, but if I ever had to shake his hands I would wear gloves because of the AIDS.

"How can someone who cavorts naked in his office with a man who used to dress as a woman and play in a band called Sexy Music be trusted with our children's future?"

However, Peter Tatchell, the demented God-hating deviant activist, welcomed Mr Huhne's admission that he loved performing disgusting sex acts while vandalising cathedrals.

He added: "Millions of perfectly normal people spit on the Ten Commandments and adore bum. As a matter of fact, I'm coveting my neighbour's ass right now."

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Men Buying Saucy Undies For Own Use, Says Report

NINE out of ten men buying women’s underwear this festive season are planning to wear it themselves on Christmas Day, new research shows. 

Most men are planning to wear just silk panties and perhaps a camisole top discreetly beneath their traditional holiday outfit of smart slacks and sweater.

However, four out of ten men say they will be wearing french knickers and matching bra underneath a vintage silk Cheongsam “Suzi Wong” dress when the family gathers round the tree on Christmas morning.

Peter Jones, the multi-millionaire entrepreneur star of TV’s Dragon’s Den, said he would be wearing a dramatic half-cup bra with oversized bow and playful tie-side knickers, which he plans to team with some classic 1950s style contrast seam stockings and a pair of mules.

He said: “I work hard in my underpants all year round so at Christmas I dress as a sexy woman. I love the feel of silk against my skin almost as much as I love money.”

Fellow dragon Duncan Bannatyne said he would be wearing a pair of deep-waisted panties in exotic leopard print tulle with a flattering criss-cross derriere and luxurious black silk ribbon suspender straps.

He added: “I will top this with a front fastening classic corset in duchess satin, featuring traditional steel spiral boning and back lacing for ultimate control. Sex on a stick.”

Dr Nikki Hollis, head of panties at the Undies Institute, said most men now wore women’s underpants to work on a daily basis.

She said: “They provide a snugger fit, thus holding the undercarriage in place more securely, which helps to guard against chafing.”

According to Dr Hollis the one in ten men who are not buying women’s undergarments to wear themselves this Christmas are buying them for their dog.