Miliband storms ahead among people who can't vote

ED Miliband has consolidated his polling lead among people who are legally children.

Although adults remain unconvinced by Miliband’s leadership qualities and economic competence, he is supported by 80 per cent of social media users born after 1998.

Emma Bradford, a GCSE student from Chester, said: “Ed is a stone cold fox. He could be an actor playing a kind nurse in a TV drama.

“Unfortunately I can’t even vote on The Voice without permission from my mum. So I guess my opinion is utterly worthless.”

Hashtags like #Milifan, #Milibabe, #Milibanter and #Milibandjob have spread across Twitter, eclipsing the Conservatives’ campaign buzzword #Camerotica.

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The Scots are the worst bastards, Cameron tells xenophobes

DAVID Cameron has urged England’s xenophobes to focus on Scottish people.

In a St George’s Day message, the Tory leader said it was time for the country to put aside its ‘long and much-loved history of loathing the French and Germans’.

He added: “Recently we have seen marvellous new grudges spring up against the Romanians and Bulgarians, developing a whole range of racist stereotypes that barely existed three years ago.

“But don’t forget the Scots. These people – illegal immigrants in our country, give or take a few hundred years – want to steal our money and destroy our way of life.

“Let them be your scapegoat for the ills of the modern age, the demonic ‘other’ scampering around your brain as you pour your wisdom onto the internet.”

Xenophobe Martin Bishop said: “They speak English, sort of. Apart from that they’re basically Mexicans.”