My dad actually hated my brother, says Miliband

ED Miliband has revealed that his father loved Britain but disliked David Miliband intensely.

Miliband said his father Ralph ‘never took’ to the family’s eldest son, regarding him as superficial and incapable of leading the Labour Party.

He added: “Dad always told me that I would be a much better leader than David no matter what anyone else said, or indeed, continues to say.

“When I was nine he sat me down and said to me ‘you, Ed, are the chosen one – David is what, in the future, will be known as a Blairite stooge’.

“He also said that I was much better looking.”


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David Cameron owns machine

Reports that David Cameron has a machine that makes bread have left voters unsure what to do with that information. 

Plumber Roy Hobbs said: “I suppose most people buy their bread ready-made, so this is a bit unusual. It strikes me as pretentious.

“However I own a number of machines, including one that makes bread hot.

“So…I don’t know…

“The one thing I am definitely taking from this is that David Cameron eats bread.”