Nigel Farage announces Tory leadership bid

NIGEL Farage has announced that he has entered the race to lead the Conservative party. 

The politician and leader of Nigel Farage vehicle the Brexit Party threw his hat in the ring last night and is already out-polling his five closest rivals put together.

A Tory insider said: “The rest of them may as well drop out now. Nige’s got this.

“The membership loves him, the electorate loves him, the camera loves him. Petty restrictions like ‘being the leader of a rival party’ simply melt away.

“He’s promised a good-humoured purge of the ranks, a jolly afternoon-pint no-deal Brexit and the subsequent naughty-little-fag-outside imposition of reporting restrictions and transition to martial law.”

Voter Martin Bishop said: “I seem to remember another man in charge of a minority populist party who couldn’t win elections but got made leader regardless, then things went a bit wrong.

“1930s Germany, this was. Funny looking chap, little moustache. I wish I could remember his name. Never mind, it’s probably not important.”