Saturday, 5th December 2020

Oven-ready Brexit deal to be final challenge on Bake Off

A TRIO of amateur bakers will shoulder the hopes of a nation by creating oven-ready Brexit deals for the final challenge of The Great British Bake Off. 

After tackling battenbergs, babka and steamed buns, the finalist will have just three hours to create a showstopper challenge which impresses the EU, the ERG, Red Wall voters, the incoming Biden administration, Pru Leith and Paul Hollywood.

Presenter Matt Lucas said: “In a break from tradition, the showstopper won’t be cooked by the contestant. Instead, when the bell goes, they’ll have to create something that’s so easy to bake that even the most inept blithering idiot of a chef couldn’t bugger it up.

“It needs to secure borders, allow frictionless trade, and comply with the Good Friday agreement while looking irresistible no matter what your political beliefs. It’s gonna be tough.”

Contestant Mary Fisher said: “I thought I was prepared for anything, but making fishing quotas and state aid rules into an appetising treat for 66 million people is stretching it.

“I was hoping the final challenge would be something to do with filo pastry and an egg-wash glaze. I might just make that anyway.”

Pru Leith said: “The winning deal will be handed over to none other than prime minister Boris Johnson, who will take full credit for it. Then you’ll be asked to bake the COVID-19 vaccine into a choux bun.”