GRINDING financial hardship is preferable to seeing George Osborne looking pleased with himself, Britons have decided.
As the chancellor takes credit for Britains recent economic growth, most people now wish the economy had got worse, or better still collapsed altogether.
Factory owner Julian Cook said: Any pleasure I felt about the economy finally improving was immediately cancelled out by the sight of that knob-nosed twat gleaming with pride.
Signing on forever, or being forced to work in an underground factory like the morlocks in The Time Machine, would have been preferable.
Graphic designer Nikki Hollis said: After seeing Osborne looking like a dog with three dicks on the news, Ive started praying therell be another Great Depression.
Thatd wipe the smile off his plump, weirdly girlish lips. Rummaging through bins for scraps of food or fighting over a delicious rat would be a price well worth paying.
Economists believe that any further growth should be accompanied by a pledge by Osborne not to smile, grin or do that thing of throwing his head back slightly and laughing with his mouth open.
Professor Denys Finch Hatton said: As an economist, I never thought I would be in favour of South American-style hyper-inflation so that a loaf of bread costs three million pounds.
But if thats what it takes to make Osborne look miserable and worried like he used to, fine.”