Remainers absolutely loving Brexit now

REMAINERS have confessed that they are thoroughly enjoying the humiliating collapse of Brexit and cannot wait to see what happens next. 

Supporters of staying in the EU admitted they are glued to the headlines to find out what the arrogant Tory bastards’ latest shameful climbdown will be.

Nathan Muir of Bristol said: “Last year it was really alienating and shit and not aimed at me at all, but I kept watching and the second year’s picked up incredibly. Just like Breaking Bad. 

“Every day there’s a new punch in the face for May or Davis or Johnson, but it’s all been so beautifully set up that even while it’s unexpected it’s completely plausible.

“I didn’t think that moment when Arlene Foster went off in May’s face like a firework could be topped, but yesterday when Davis got trapped into admitting he hadn’t done any work whatsoever might have been even better.

“I reckon within the month the government will collapse and Michael Gove will launch yet another disastrous leadership bid that’ll fall flat on its fish-lipped face, and that’s before they find out the EU’s going to fuck them over on trade deals.

“This is the most I’ve enjoyed politics in years. Long live Brexit, I say.”

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Woman who pulled sickie spends glorious day indoors feeling guilty

A WOMAN who called in sick to work because she ‘deserved some time for herself’ has spent her day hiding behind drawn curtains like a fugitive. 

Junior PR executive Carolyn Ryan said: “I headed out the door for some Christmas shopping before remembering the boss’s PA lives near me and might be off and might see me.

“Then I considered a film, maybe that tennis one with her from La La Land, but remembered my phone would check me in at the cinema and someone might spot it and I don’t know how to turn that off.

“I thought I’d just watch Netflix, but of course I’d gone and shared my password with Darren from the office so he’d know. And he would tell everyone. Because he’s a dick.

“So I ended up sitting at home worrying about work, realising how much work I’d made for myself, wondering if they’d believe I was better or if it was more plausible to take two days, before deciding I couldn’t bear another day like this.

“Then I logged on and did a a little bit of work from home anyway.”