Friday, 28th February 2020

Snap election to let Britain vote for lesser of two evils yet a-f**king-gain

AN upcoming general election will let the UK vote for parties they despise less than they despise other parties for the fourth time this decade.

A straw poll of the electorate revealed nobody deserved to be in charge but that some w**k-handed useless fuckers would have to be anyway.

Labour voter Martin Bishop said: “I'll vote Corbyn, even though he’s like a sh*t design and technology teacher who never comes out of his room, because he’s better than Johnson.

“Meanwhile my wife can’t bear either so is basically ticking the ‘Don’t Know’ box, which is to say Jo Swinson and the Lib Dems.”

Tory voter Donna Sheridan said: “My MP’s been deselected so it’s a new mental Tory, a fresh-faced young communist or the old twat I already hated running as an independent.”

Green Party voter Nikki Hollis added: “I'll be voting Green, because at this point why the f**k not?”

And Stephen Malley said, “I'll be proudly marching to the polling station to cast my vote for Nigel Farage and the Brexit party, hand on red-white-and-blue heart.

“We’re the only people who sincerely want our party in power, and we’re categorically insane.”