Tedious arse wrongly claiming fascism and communism are the same

A MAN thinks he is making a brilliant intellectual point by pointing out superficial similarities between fascism and communism for the umpteenth time.

With neo-Nazis currently in the news, sales manager Martin Bishop has been trying to impress people with the hackneyed observation that the two ideologies have a lot in common.

Co-worker Donna Sheridan said: “Martin says communism and fascism are two sides of the same coin, but I think it’s just something he heard and hasn’t really thought about.

“I agree they’re both oppressive, but one’s about obsessive state control of everything and the other’s more to do with racist nationalism. They’re only the same if you ignore most things about them.

“Hitler and Stalin both sent people to death camps, but that’s what dictators do. You’re not going to terrorise anyone by sending them to Butlins, unless they’re really middle class.”

Bishop said: “Communists and fascists are exactly the same because they both like ordering people about, which you can only understand if you’re a deep political thinker like me.

“Also as a right-wing voter it’s somehow reassuring that it’s not just the right that produces all the completely evil bastards.

“And if fascism is only as bad as communism that means I don’t have to feel bad about watching all those History Channel documentaries called things like Third Reich: The UFO Factor.”

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May to win approval of young by quitting

THERESA May is to boost her standing among young voters by stepping down with immediate effect.

May has determined that the only way to regain the trust of the under-30s is to fire her entire cabinet, vacate Downing Street, and then to dissolve the Conservative Party.

She said: “Britain needs strong and stable leadership in the national interest, not my own personal clown car crashing in slow motion while I’m berated by fundamentalists in Harris tweed.

“That’s why I have decided to listen to the nation’s young, and leave politics forever. I’m going to live in a village and be the over-zealous woman who is mysteriously responsible for locking and unlocking the local church.”

Nikki Hollis, 25, said: “I sincerely hope the door does not hit her on the way out.”

Upon being told the news, Jeremy Corbyn said: “Ah. Shit.”